


I Guess It's Just Another One of Those Days When I'm Missing Everything

by graceisgarbage



Category: Archie Comics & Related Fandoms, Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, Cheryl Blossom Needs a Hug, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Protective Toni Topaz, Self-Harm, Smut, Southside Serpent Toni Topaz, first story so apologies in advance, i have no idea what this is and im sorry im just in a mooooood, soft choni, tw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-06 06:27:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21222071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/graceisgarbage/pseuds/graceisgarbage
Summary: Massive Trigger Warning!!!! Please read at your discretion-TW Self-HarmTW DepressionTW SuicideCheryl has been struggling with self-harm and feelings of depression since the death of her brother Jason. Then Toni Topaz, that stupid nosy gorgeous kind Toni Topaz finds a way in and eventually helps her to feel better.





	I Guess It's Just Another One of Those Days When I'm Missing Everything

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is lowkey my first fic ever so please feel free to comment suggestions and stuff, I wrote this as sort of a vent so most of Cheryl's thoughts are things I've struggled with and felt.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy!

Cheryl laid in her bed staring up at the ceiling feeling anything but feelings. All she had felt for the past month was _numb_ . She couldn’t remember why it had started, and if she was being honest she couldn’t remember a whole lot of things lately. She thought the depression had subsided since she had gotten over the emotional scarring of Jason's death but something had just switched and those wounds were sliced right back open.  
_Slices_. The word repeats in her head over and over as she gets up to go to her sink. It’s a word that she can’t get over. An addiction. Not only does it represent how her life had been sliced apart by her brother's passing, but it sliced apart her whole family. And now all she can think about is those dark slices on her skin.

The addiction started fairly recently. Cheryl just wanted to make herself feel something, to feel anything. So that’s what she made herself feel. The pain was unbearable at first. Then it just soothed her. Over and over she cut. She couldn’t even begin to imagine why she was doing it. Soon the self-harm became a ritual. Whenever the emotional pain was getting too bad she just… hurt herself. No one saw. It was embarrassing and just made her feel guilty inside like she was hurting others as well. It wasn’t like anyone would care anyway. She was just seen as the horrid bitch that walked the halls of Riverdale High creating terror wherever she went. Maybe this was a way to make up for it. If she caused herself pain it would lessen the guilt she felt from being mean to others.  
She was sick in the head, she needed help. But no one was there to help her as she continued to drown in the empty thoughts that had taken over her head.

Cheryl snapped back to reality as she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. _What a mess she was_ . She grabbed some disinfectant from under her sink and cleaned the wounds. Though she could care less about whether or not her wounds got infected she worried what other side effects an open wound could have on her health. She was desensitized to the sting of the disinfectant now. She covered up some of the deeper cuts with a bandaid and proceeded to put on a long sleeve shirt and long pants. The weather was getting cooler so at least being covered wouldn’t be abnormal. 

Looking at the time she realized it was about 7:15, she didn’t want to be late so she grabbed her bag and headed out the door without so much as a “Goodbye mother” as she hurried out to her car and began the short drive to school. 

She felt her chest tighten as she walked into the lounge. She’s been feeling a lot more overwhelmed lately, especially with the addition of the Serpents to Riverdale High. Taking in a deep breath she lets a smirk fall on her face, “Bonjour mes amis” She states loudly for everyone to hear. The turn of heads makes her feel proud, at least she knows she can make everyone stare. 

Jughead lets out a low chuckle, “I didn’t know we were on a friend basis yet Blossom.” Cheryl frowns at him angrily. “Especially since you continue to insult me and the Serpents daily.” He grumbles. She can’t tell if he’s just trying to get under her skin or not but it stings a little bit either way.

“Last time I checked Jughead you couldn’t give a shit anyway it’s not like you have any friends aside from your little drug dealing bottom feeders.” Cheryl quipped back sharply, she felt the anger rising in her chest. 

“Oh, and you do have friends? You’re just a bitch to all of us I doubt anyone in this room _actually_ likes you. We all took pity on you after what happened to Jason anyways.” Jughead was standing up by now yelling loudly. Soon everyone in the room had turned to look at her. One person, in particular, caught her eye. A girl with caramel toned skin and vibrant pink hair, she looked like she was the only one in the room who seemed to care about what Jughead had just said.  
She let out a scoff to cover up the fact that she was on the verge of tears, “Whatever Jones, I can feel my IQ getting lower just by talking to you.” And with that Cheryl stood up abruptly and strutted out of the room. As she left she heard the quiet chatter of her so-called “friends”.

“God what a fucking bitch it’s like she thinks she has an excuse to be mean to us all because of Jason.” She overheard Jughead complain just loud enough to catch her off guard. She felt the tears begin to fall now.  
Cousin Betty chimed in a little softer now, “Oh leave it Juggy, it’s just Cheryl being Cheryl.” That’s what hit her the hardest. Was that all she was now? Cheryl being Cheryl, nothing else to her personality besides a nasty face to see in the halls. She felt her energy slowly being drained, the pep in her step suddenly gone. She felt the pain of her actions this morning falling over her. 

_Just two minutes to the bell and you can sit down and zone out…_

She fell into her seat exhausted already. She didn’t have the motivation to get out her notes so she just sat there and let the sounds of her teacher invade her head. _Why was she even here anyways? It’s not like people enjoyed her company, they barely tolerated her presence enough to engage in conversation. Her own mother even hated her. She was useless._  
A light tap on her shoulder brought her back to reality. She turned to see the same pink-haired serpent from before handing her a slip of paper, an empathetic smile resting lightly on her lips. Cheryl slowly grabbed the note with a confused look on her face.

ɪ'ᴍ ꜱᴏʀʀʏ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴊᴜɢʜᴇᴀᴅ ꜱᴀɪᴅ ᴇᴀʀʟɪᴇʀ. ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴏᴋ?

The note was written in light pink ink, Cheryl loved the color. Did someone really care enough to ask her? Was her first thought, it was immediately crushed. The girl probably didn’t care, she was probably just guilty. Cheryl grabbed her red pen and wrote out a quick response just to get it out of the way.

𝓘'𝓶 𝓸𝓴𝓪𝔂 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓴 𝔂𝓸𝓾.

Cheryl tossed it over to the girl half-heartedly. She smiled as she opened it, but her face became concerned as she read it. She penned a response below. Why was she still writing? Cheryl became frustrated and nervous. What did the girl want from her?

ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ꜱᴜʀᴇ? ɪ'ᴍ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴛʜᴀɴ ʜᴀᴘᴘʏ ᴛᴏ ɢɪᴠᴇ ʜɪᴍ ᴀ ᴘɪᴇᴄᴇ ᴏꜰ ᴍʏ ᴍɪɴᴅ. ᴡʜᴀᴛ ʜᴇ ꜱᴀɪᴅ ᴡᴀꜱɴ'ᴛ ᴄᴏᴏʟ.

The note was tossed back over to Cheryl and Cheryl read it anxiously. No one had really tried to push Cheryl to open up earlier. Even if what Jughead said was “uncool” Cheryl deserved it. She deserved a lot of the pain she had thrust upon her. She wasn’t in the mood to open up. She didn’t want to burden anyone so she wrote a half-assed response hoping this mystery girl would get the hint.

𝓨𝓮𝓼. 𝓘'𝓶 𝓯𝓲𝓷𝓮. 𝓟𝓵𝓮𝓪𝓼𝓮 𝓵𝓮𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓶𝓮 𝓪𝓵𝓸𝓷𝓮.

The girl gave her a sad nod and put the note in her bag. Cheryl zoned out for the rest of the class, and the rest of the day. She just went through the motions of school happily awaiting the end. 

When the day finally came to a close Cheryl made her way to the locker rooms. She was in no mood to lead Vixens Practice but it wasn’t like she had a choice. Walking in she saw all the other girls changing. At least they were competent enough to be there on time. She spotted Veronica smiling over at her, Cheryl returned an empty smile and grabbed her uniform to get changed. She was about to put the tank top portion of the uniform on when she remembered… She reached for the white turtleneck with celerity and threw it on without garnering any looks from her fellow vixens. Luckily the skirt hung low on her. 

Practice went by briskly with only a few issues from some of the newer vixens. As she walked out of the school with her bag over her shoulder she spotted a few of the Serpents loitering outside of the school. She spotted the same girl from her class earlier that day. The girl turned to look at her and gave her a slight wave. Her heart fluttered a bit as she waved back. _No. Not happening. Not now._ She crushed the butterfly in her stomach and drove home. 

She got home at around 8 pm and immediately regretted opening the door. Her mom bombarded her, “There you are Cheryl. I have a client coming over around 8:30 pm so remain out of sight or so help me-”

Cheryl cut in thoughtlessly, “Yes yes mother I understand. So glad that my house has become your sexual paradise.” She said through rolled eyes.

Penelope growled intensely and grabbed Cheryl by the wrist. immediately Cheryl froze. Penelope felt the scars, she knew Penelope felt them. How couldn’t she? Penelope tensed angrily and pulled Cheryl’s sleeves up and just stared for what felt like forever. Finally, Penelope's eyes filled with rage, “CHERYL MARJORIE BLOSSOM YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE- What on earth have you done to yourself?!” 

Chery felt her eyes well up again as her breathing quickened, “I- I’m sorry mother I jus-” She couldn’t get the sentence out she began sobbing. Penelope felt no sympathy as she fumed even more. 

“This is horrendous Cheryl, how dare you! You attention seeking demon child! You’re just begging me to send you to the Sisters aren’t you?” Penelope’s grip tightened as Cheryl tried to pull away.

She was practically screaming in agony now, “I’m sorry mom! It won’t happen again I promise! You’re right I am ungrateful I’m so sorry!” She tried pulling away harder as her cries got louder. Penelope finally let go as Cheryl stumbled backward and fell to the floor. 

She leaned forward staring deeply into Cheryl’s eyes, looks of rage and disappointment burning into Cheryl’s soul, “You should be sorry. Now go upstairs I don’t want to see you again for the rest of the evening.” She barked.

Cheryl struggled to get up but once she did she grabbed her bag and raced upstairs. She just fell onto her bed and cried. 

Feeling worthless. _She is worthless._  
Hopeless. _She is hopeless._  
Lonely. _She is lonely._  
Shameful. 

Like the burden she is. 

_Cheryl doesn’t feel like going to school tomorrow. It’s not like anyone would miss her._

**Author's Note:**

> ,,,,,, also each chapter is named after a Cavetown song that I feel fits :)


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